Tuesday, August 16, 2005

haiz...why do i hurt her ? why do i always have to hurt her ? whats wrong with me ? in my heart her name alwaes ring..alwaes n alwaes....tonight yet she said i didnt trust her.....yes i did yes i did ...i cant sleep..i am unhappy..im not satisfied..becos im a jerk..im an asshole...i cant even make my ggf happy...i m so heartbroken i cant do so...i sing a love song whole night thinkin of her...hope she doesnt hate me...when the moment she saed that to me i cant breathe...my lungs all jammed..my heart skipped beats..n my mind tells me...u are dead mark..u fucked up bad....at the moment i feel like crying i cant..the whole night i was so upset i cant cry i cant do anything i jus stood there n felt so fucked up. wad can i do ...to make her happy...wad can i do to make her understand my heart....what can i do lord..every moment my heart wants her...she thought i was locking her down..tight....i wasnt...sigh...Lord i pray u let me let go ...let go of my past pain....even my Ex told me ..i changed...i last time wouldnt even let her go near any guy at all let alone hang out. she knows i trust my dear more than i use to trust her..man..i m tired...once i close my eyes i remember her voice crying...her shouting at me....her coldness to me..i am so painful n i cant sleep..no one understands my pain. i dont wan us to seperate..haiz..even i have to sell my soul to the devil i will..jus to make her happy..i jus wan a chance to love her....i cannot live without her...she is my Strenght my life my everything. i can even give up my soul for her..i wanna sing a song to her....i wanna read a poem to her...i wanna perform for her..i wanna be the best for her...but yet all deep inside i seem to have failed. i am scared..ive never felt this scared in my life to lose someone...i jus wish she could hear my heart cry for her. i felt like i cant breathe....i dunno how many Sorry can i offer to say to her..Sorry cant cure. im trying to changefor her..im trying...i dowan us to fight i dowan i dowan i dowan !!!!! i was so crazy i slapped myself until my gums bleed. only 3 times it bleed...i hit it so hard...becos i hate myself..for making my dear dear so angry....so upset with me...i trusted her n she didnt believe me..i oni wished i can be de one beside her watching movie...eating rice....walking along the malls...beach...talking face to face..looking into her eyes....holding her hand telling her how much she means to me....i jus wanna sing to her the song called 3 words.....i will sing them to u...from the touch of my hands...u know dats its true...3 words...from the taste of my kiss ..from my heart to ur lips...u know u heard ..3 words. if action speaks louder than words..ill be speechless cos i alwaes know wad i can do.. hold u kiss u hug u roll u adore u touch u wrap u traumatize u in my arms....as hard as it can be as soft as it can be as secure as it can be as locked as it can be. i have no words to sae how much ..i wanna be with u..how much i wanna love u..how much how much my heart longs for u.....love is never enuff...my feelings for u everydae oni grow stronger n stronger..the root goes deeper deeper...if someday God is going say what do i want....u would be on top of my list. if Santa ask me wad do i wan in my present bag...i would request for u.......if my birthday comes n my birthday wish would be.....forever with u ...now n forever....till eternity till eternally....u n me always will be. i wanna make u smile laugh crazy wild....becos oni i can..n i will... DOU JIANG LI BU KAI YOU TIAO..RANG WO AI NI AI DAO LAO ............till forever..this is only the beginning....i wont stop wishing....i wont stop thinking..i wont stop loving ..i wont stop missing...........u ~ vivian lu xiu min ~! GENIE GENIE in a bottle.....3 wishes.....all of them i wish tml we will make up....second wish i wan us happy forever.....3rd wish....make mi the best bf on earth so i could love her make her happy forever.....~!!! Lord Jesus i pray that u make mi the sweetest man on earth so i could melt her everytime i speak to her hold her..lord krishna.....bless me wish charisma...so everytime she sees me she falls in love with me more.....guan yin ma...i dunno wad to ask for .......but jus bless me la.......Shijiamoni Buddha...i oso dunno wad to sae...budden jus....gimme a hi five n wish me good luck la...i oso dunno who..but i just hope things will be ok ...i pray i hope i wish...dear dear..would forgive me n gimme time to change to the perfect honey sweetie hottie cutie pie for her.... i love her i love her..keep it a secret dont tell her .....ok? now its 4 plus almost 5..finally my eyes can close abit...sigh hope i can dream of dear dear for awhile..the sweet sweet dear dear i dowan her to get angry oredi...i feel like sayang her now when she sleep..=( nvm..good morning n goodnight dear dear ....i know u angry with me..but no matter wad i still love u .. even though i angry or sad or wad...5 mins later i already dont care ..n start loving u....cos LOVE CONQUERS ALL !!!

-=+the useless boyfriend+=-

i will never let you go;
11:31 AM

Sunday, August 14, 2005

today is monday..wad a Very ordinary day. lol. i oso dunno wad else to sae but.....yesterday i was a total S.O.B i caused trouble for dear dear =( sigh..im such an idiot bastard...she loves me treat me so freakin good ..n yet i caused trouble for her...dear dear sorry..baby didnt wan it to b like dat de. but we had a good time didnt we ? now she's in sch..even in the morning she got into a shower of scoldin for nothing...haiz..my dear dear so poorthing..i promise ill take u out of this life. i wan make u happy happy with me ..i will de. ure de only girl who knows how to love me how to treat me...so omg....cos im so in love with u lor dear dear..*hUGhUgs* im sure when we are together we will b happy until dunno wad happen de hehe...later i wan go n post ur present liao hehe...n the $ i will hide inside one..hope it will reach u in no time n hope u like it lo. baobei i miss u....miss u so much so much..only one dae only i start missing u...in fact i put down the fone with u i start to miss u le ..hehe..baby mad liaoz la really..i dunno y i love u so much i jus do.....i wan hold ur hand hold ur waist hold u near to me always..n give u a million ZiLLion kissES.. shower u with loads n loads of my love...hehe. sorry i make u unhappy n cause u trouble n all those thing...baby really owe u alot alot...ur love makes mi melt u know...dear dear i love u so much so much so much...13143344..wont leave u no matter wad de ok? trust me ....even my last breath on earth....i will breathe for u..cos ure the reason i am here or maybe God sent me here to love u n to give u happiness..hehe...*MmmmmmUUUUUUUaAaAaCCCCkkkKkKkkxXXXX* !!!!!! AI SI NI LE !!!! baobei mus kai kai xing xing ok ? happy happy....sha la la la la....sha la la in the morning..haha....miss me n ull be happy le..hehe.. cos u know no matter wad i will try my best to cheer u up make u feel better make u feel loved de...k la i write until here i going out to city to post the thing le..todae never work hope later can talk to u ...cos i miss u a million times...hehe...Over n out..

-=+ baobei's^loverboy+=- *strictly for my baobei only*

i will never let you go;
10:32 PM

Friday, August 12, 2005

'Dear i hope u can read this...i didnt really sleep well at all...i didnt dare to reply u at all..sigh..can we dont fight anymore n hate each other...all i saed n do..was out of concern but not anything lor..haiz...the last msg i recieved from u i cannot even read properly cos i cannot believe u sae those things to me..haiz..why like dat? baby really care about u worried about u. Any bf gf outside would be worried sick u hangin out this late. summore ure without money. what if anything happens. im not even there i feel so bad i cant even fufil the duty properly as a bf i am really worried of losing u...the last time dat i know this happened....was last yr..holding tight ..u would b crushed...letting go...u wont come back..im very scared this will happen again..dear i really dunno how to tell u how much i love u ...u were there whenever i am upset jus cheer me up so easily ..no one else can do dat to me......when all my hopes fail..when i hear ur voice i know there's still hope in this world. u are my safest place to hide...no one can love me like u do make mi happy like u do.. If u leave me......i dunno wad will happen to my world. i miss u badly ..cant tell u how much..becos i dunno how to. i wanna hold u whole day long all night long till the stars fall from the sky..='( i really dunno how come i love u so much...my heart keep calling ur name ........dear dear wadeva happens..lets not be unhappy with each other anymore k? pls pls....forgive me if i got wrong ~ Life is too short to hate each other. i dowan u to go pls....baobei i need u...i love u...*cRy* *hUgS*

loving u is not a crime ..
loving u ill never die.......
trust me that i didnt lie...
i will love u with my life... To : Vivian only...

-=+Baby^marK+=-

i will never let you go;
7:51 PM

morning wake up...rest for just awhile..being called to go to work..to replace my dad cos he is sick cos of me...i transmitted the sickness to him. i havent actually even recovered yet at all....n i feel so weak...carry those things makes my head sway to the side. Freakin virus that lives in my body.all the day i missed her..so much so much..got so much things that ive thought of that i wanted to jus share...to jus tell...but when i just got home not long ago she has to go out...its not even 20 mins at all..at least it didnt feel like it is at all. halfway thru the conversation....her friend occupied her..i had to hang up..i didnt sae a word n hung up..guess she havent notice i already wasnt really happy with it..but well..screw that who cares about how i feel anyways ? yesterdae cant even chat with her ..how bloody much i did missed her...who knows n who cares ? to her...what the hell am i? maybe i am jus dat failure in love..however hard i try..how much heart i put in ..no one understands....ppl alwaes misunderstood my love as similiar as every other guys. after dat was so late was still chatting with my friends...i learnt so much about those things mi n her wanna knoe....i surf the net..ask friends...ask questions...post up Questions up in internet...thought she could make it early back home so can share. but guess wad ? NO...furthermore that i called her she didnt even pick it up. friends told me girls out this late are very out of the line...might get in any hazardous activities. i soon get so worried as my friends saed that. Afterall i never lived in Singapore for years...many yrs..i trust in my bro's...i was so worried till i had a migraine...she saed she hasnt got money to even go home. wad a funny statement ...why a bird fly if it doesnt have STRONG ENUFF wings..sigh..ive decided to send money to her. afterall she wont be working afterall for this period of time cos of her exams. She maybe still dont know how i feel towards her..or maybe ..i am jus a sensitive failure. But who can blame me for daT ? i got cheated many times in love...i got dumped...for trying/doing my best. This world is just not fair to me. Whatever i want...i cant get it . impulsively makes mi wanna scold foul words a million times. i love this girl so much i really do i wanna make a fresh start...will she end up dumping me becos i tried my best ? sigh...lord help mi im tired...im still sick..tired...painful in the head...havent get enuff sleep....ive been doing the OPPOSITE things the Nurse told me to...im beginning to be unhealthy...my weight declined like nobody's business...now i can start to see my muscle lines..which i cant before last week...n my muscle not so big anymore..i can feel it..i m not healthy...so many things i have been doing..my body already broke down..mentally ..almost. sigh..God help mi..

i will never let you go;
10:04 AM

Saturday, July 30, 2005

wad can i say ? such a day ..wake up and then eat abit n then cheong to move house..feelin so disgusted with myself when i look at the mirror..sigh..i hate how i look....hate my body hate my skin. ArRghh !!! called her for awhile but she seem to want mi get off the fone asap. call back oso never pick up..think she doesnt wanna tok to me..or otherwise maybe sick of me ..sms sure oso wont reply one... wad a stupit day.so damn tired...was so hungry i gubble down like 2 burgers..man ..im a monster...now only can come online for like freakin awhile only. to blog my Monsteric day. My stupit mood.. hope ill get better later. now blasting my music to the max hope to heal my soul ~ Peace a nice word..Love a nice song..come on people sing along ...to the words of the song though they never last long. ahh Screw it...no mood.. 30th July...sucky day ~ hope i wont return to such a day ~

i will never let you go;
2:56 AM

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Man ..today was so freakin tired...went out n pay the licensing expiry thingy. n then after that go put in the letter i have for dear dear in the box i wanna send her..man i cant believe it ...took so much money to send that thing. haha but nvm ba ...hope dear gets it soon. today tok to dear dear on the fone...suddenly shouted at me cos of the phonebill thingy=( she never tok to me this loud one *heartbroken* felt so so bad..sounds like i jus killed someone n left him by the road and Rot...dear dear sorry..ill pay one la de bill. n then after that she went out..got her friends bf..from USA one..(which i dont care where he comes from) say until like he was kinda nice...so i went n vent it on my dumbells n chairs again..i wan be super muscular n HOT 2!!! wanna be the best !!! but i know i cant one..=( she sae ugly or handsome oso nvm one..budden...sigh maybe i am the worst ? or maybe i am imagining things ? tell me tell me..~ today so tired..walked like so freakin long ..wanna pass thru the Arena gates locked i have to walk one super big round...legs crackin up oredi..guess its good ba..training is gaining..got home n cooked my own spag n cop on the fone with my baobei le. tok awhile gone liaoz...come back sae dont feel like talking =X then tml cannot really talk too...nvm she got exams..dowan to stress her...sigh i remember this season of my life last yr...i was in confusion..dunno to let go or give more....wadeva i do seems to cant get the job done. WHY CANT LOVE ONES BE TOGETHER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ='( pls guide me till this comes true right in my face. i want to be with this girl i love...Pls dont be unfair. i am really trying my best to do wad i can do ..be the best man i can be ...every beat ofmy heart ...beats for this .....n that moment to come..when 2 hearts join together as one. Still working..still waiting..still praying..still yearning..for that day. Well its tiring day...stressful in my lil brain. Well i better get off before it gets worst.all i can say is..Love is driving me crazy....Love can Stir Fear in me...For all those who know me....Love makes mi Weak...Even though i aint afraid of nothing...only Love can bring mi to my knees...to my tears...i wish my dear dear is right here now. 4 long months..o God help mi !! God ...pls open doors for me..that no one else can ever shut..~ wadeva i ask in ur name i shall have. i trust in u. Let it be done. ~i wouldnt let u down. anyways im out im sick of thinking liaoz....OVER N OUT ~!!!

-=+Waiting,yearning,praying...always lovin+=-

i will never let you go;
8:28 AM

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Shout of the Earth will be your praise =) Hallelujah ~...wad another day of life...(living in faith everday) well its like a sabbath day for me..haha..refreshing rest for me ..after getting a chest infection. Hope can rest well ba. God bless me....today jus talk to dear on the phone awhile..man i miss her n i want her by my side. Dear sorry these days make u nothing much to say. haha i got so much to say but once i hear ur voice i think i dunno wad to say liaoz..guess thats it ba..u melt my heart n brain..i become idiot liaoz ..wahahahaz ~ tml is sunday..Day of Sabbath..haha..n Church n YEAH !!!!!!!!!! wordless to say becos its alwaes the best day ill have in the week..Through the valley of the Shadow of Death i fear no evil for u are with me...ur Rod n Staff they Comfort me =) I pray that thy kingdom come thy will be done soon..hee..so i wont have so much burden on me liaoz..JESUS IS MY ROCK !!! sigh..miss dear dear now..she mus be sleeping like a baby now ..hehe cute cute =P A tragic matter happened..hmms sorry karen..Wad i toldcha on April fool was true but i felt like ure playing.its a waste.. a total waste..cos ure the best. but seriously i need acceptance ...but correction of who i am..this only my dear can give me...sigh..wad can i say ? God...make the way ..abba father have your way. whatever ur plans..i follow...whatever u speak..i hear...To whatever end. I trust in you God. Lead me Guide me. Help me. think ill stop here le..i going for my prayer time le n then sleep le....Dear ..i miss u ...whenever u see this..i jus wanna tell u..my heart is beside u...n dat day u come..ull be in my arms. Promise of love never be defied. Mark's word...prince one word...4 horse hard to chase..=)

All for love..Father Gave..For only Love can make a way,
All for love..Heaven's Cry...For love is Crucified.
How many times have i broken your heart ?
but still you forgive, if only i asked.
how many times..have u heard me pray ? Draw near to me

-=+ Kneels to make a Prayer +=-

i will never let you go;
11:37 AM

. about you .
I LoVE to JOKe..PLay
a guy LiKes to Be loVeD
LoVEd bY *ahEmpS* LoLs..P

. lurfee .
Me like to play SnooKer
PlAy BbALL
LiKes ShOpPiNg LoaDs n Hair CrAzED
VIVIAN DEAR =P *bLusH*
i LovE siNgiNg aLOT ALOT !! . dislikes .
ErmMs..BacKstAbbERs
FeeLiNg cHeateRs
ProuD duMbo'S
BeiNg FaT !
Homosexuals *ding dinG* . darr-links .
link linkEvelyn's Blog link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link

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